Archive for February, 2015

Client Types: Disappearing Act

Can I tell you something I am totally DONE with already? Employers contacting me with a potential project. Me responding. Negotiations. Skype calls. Contract discussions. Verbal agreements. And then….nothing.

This is how it goes. It might look familiar if you are a freelancer yourself:

Initial email:
Hi BF,
Hope all is well for you. I am looking for someone to assist with a project that I have, someone with your level of [experience, awesomeness, ability to cut through the bullshit) to help develop some modules of a program for Clueless Managers. I’m looking for someone with 15-20 hours a week of availability.
Thanks and kind regards,
Person who will waste your time and eventually disappear

Me:

Hi Person,
Thank you for reaching out to me. I’ve created several programs for the most Clueless of Managers, (including a document with images teaching my own boss how to turn on and use track changes in Word so he didn’t have to print out my work and go over it in red pen like a fucking 3rd grade teacher), so I’d be happy to talk about your project. I do have 15-20 hours a week availability so that fits perfectly.
You can email me at: bitterfreelancer@mail.com
and add me on Skype if you’d like to chat face to face: bitterfreelancer
Regards,
BF

Person:
Hi BF, thank you for your prompt reply. I think a skype call is a great idea. Can you also let me know an approximate figure for your hourly rates as well? Thanks so much. On the basis that we meet our financial requirements, I’d be happy to skype.
Regards,
Person who will waste your time and eventually disappear

Me:
Hi again. My hourly rates are 50-65 USD, depending on the terms of the contract.  If required, I can supply references from current and past clients who will tell you about the quality and speed of my work, as well as examples of projects where I have delivered the completed programs under the allotted budget (sometimes up to $3000 under).
Regards,
BF

Person:
Thanks for your response. That rate might be a bit high, and unlike other clients I know what goes into what you do so I’m not a total cheap-ass-motherfucker. But I’m actually looking in region of $45 – $55 USD. If that is suitable, then yes, please send through references from current and past clients. If you have any sample work to send that would be great as well.
Thanks and look forward to receiving your information.

Me:
Your desired rate and my range overlap at 50-55, so if that works out let’s discuss the details of the project when you are ready. Please have a look at how awesome I am in the following samples and references.
(Sends over portfolio links, Dropbox links to downloadable documents, References and client testimonials)

Person:
OK great, within 50-55 does work for me.
By the way, I’m very impressed with your samples, this is exactly what I am looking for and more.  I really like how you stroked the ego of the asshats in the Clueless Manager related programs, and drove the importance of changing certain behavior that was destroying the souls of those whom they managed. I was also impressed with your method of making mind numbingly boring topics actually interesting in the final document. Great work.
Lets’ set up a Skype call for tomorrow.

(45 minute Skype call happens. Project timelines, objectives, expectations are discussed.  I ask a lot of questions and offer ideas. Rapport is made. All parties are hopeful. The sky is full of rainbows and a unicorn gallops gleefully underneath them.)

Person:
So very nice to meet you today. As I mentioned in our call, I’m about to go on vacation so I will most certainly be in touch with you with a contract to sign upon my return Wednesday next week.

Me:
Very lovely to meet you too. Your project is right up my alley, I am perfect for it as you have seen and others have attested, i’m totally not even charging enough for what you are asking but I actually like what I do so I’m looking forward to starting on it.  Have a great vacation and I look forward to hearing from you next week!

(one week goes by)

*crickets*

(two weeks)

*crickets*

(Nice email is sent to person, inquiring about vacation, project status, general interest in the my services Reassurance is given that if the project is not to go forward, I’m perfectly OK with that.)

*crickets*

(my life passes)

*crickets*

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